


We Like Our Fun And We Never Fight

by elledritchhorror



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, IT'S HEIST TIME, Multi, Vespa's Low Self-Esteem, Vespa's negative self-description, because I certainly do, do you also dream of Juno and Vespa having to get along?, do you dream of competent ladies stealing jewels in the moonlight?, i am once again proving that I don't know how to tag, otherwise we're all good I think, warnings for:
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29419773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elledritchhorror/pseuds/elledritchhorror
Summary: Buddy and Nureyev talk circles around fancy rich people upstairs while Juno and Vespa have to do all the real work together down in the lower levels. It's not exactly the ideal image of a moonlight heist for either of them but they'll make it work. Probably.
Relationships: Buddy Aurinko/Vespa Ilkay, Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel, Vespa Ilkay & Juno Steel
Comments: 5
Kudos: 51
Collections: TPP Valentine's Exchange





	We Like Our Fun And We Never Fight

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! This is my valentine's exchange fic for mq and I really hope they like it because his prompt list Spoke To My Soul!! Mq when you're reading this pls know that your brain is huge and I envy you for it. 
> 
> For everyone else, have fun and enjoy! 
> 
> Warnings for this fic include:  
> canon typical violence  
> Vespa's usual negative self talk and poor self image  
> mentions of Vespa's mental state/unreality  
> I think that's it but as always if you notice something I missed please smack me in the comments so I can add it!
> 
> Title from Dancing In The Moonlight. Though the google doc was just called "Juno and Vespa are grabby little gay raccoons" so make of that what you will.
> 
> Happy Valentine's day!!

If someone told Vespa she had to pick something nice to say about Juno Steel she’d tell them to piss off. But if she was pressed to say something  _ neutral _ she might say that his eye roll was impressive for a lady with only one eye. The exaggerated rise of his shoulders and deep breath as he did it was even funny, or it would be if Vespa couldn’t also hear what he was rolling his eyes at. 

_ Oh how charming you are, Sir. No wonder your sister brought you along instead of a date.  _

The space between the mark and Buddy’s comms made his voice sound thin and weightless, but he more than made up for the distance with how loud he was. Buddy and the thief were upstairs working the fancy dumbass for a chance to take his comms and get the safe codes so Vespa and Steel could get in and out with the jewels. Which would be a lot less annoying if the safe didn’t get a new code every fifteen minutes, meaning that Vespa had to be on call the entire time while the thief flirted and bantered with the most inane people in the goddamn galaxy. He fit right in with them. 

_ I would have brought a date if I could find one, alas my opportunities have been thin on the ground as late and our dear father insisted I bring this one along to keep him out of trouble. _

Buddy’s voice was usually a source of comfort, but the affected tone she took when playing a role made it just different enough that it didn’t really help. The only truly familiar thing down here was Steel, leaning against the wall in his satiny violet dress, waiting with her for their chance to take the stash and get upstairs to get out. He was next to a window, or maybe it was called an arch when it had no glass, and he kept turning his face to the night time breeze. When he wasn’t reacting to the thief’s antics. 

_ That’s a terrible shame for you, Ms Lightfoot but I must say it has been a boon for me to meet the both of you. Tell me, my fine sir, have you been lacking in dates also? _

_ Tragically, yes. Though I imagine there might be some options available tonight. Any situation can become an opportunity with the right… enticement. _

Steel gagged theatrically and Vespa smirked. The moonlight was bright and it filled the corridor they were waiting in with blue-grey light, brighter in thick rectangles where the windows (or arches, whatever they were called) let it in unfettered. Vespa found the dark spots between them both unnerving and comforting. Anything could hide in there, including her. She’d expected Steel to say something when he settled against the bright open space of an arch and watched her crouch in the dark but he hadn’t. He’d ruined any chance at cover it gave her by refusing to shut up until Buddy and the thief started talking, but he didn’t comment on her habits at least. 

_ I’m very happy for you two that you seem to have made a connection, but if you’re going to start getting touchy then I’m going to be elsewhere.  _

The distant laughs of the thief and their mark filtered through Buddy’s comms, then the sound of quick steps, then Buddy’s real voice came through instead of the breathy timbre of Alicia Lightfoot. 

“Alright, darlings, are you ready?” She asked. Vespa stood up and tugged at the pants of her tuxedo until they fell straight again. 

“Yeah, Bud.” Vespa replied. 

“ _ So _ far beyond ready.” Steel whined and Vespa would have smacked him if they weren’t on a job. Instead she just glared, and was ignored. 

“Ransom got the comms, tell me when you’re at the safe and I’ll give you the codes.” Buddy said, all business. 

Vespa took the lead down the corridor and waited for Steel to be ready at the door. The safe was in the room beyond but there were going to be guards, which was part of why she and Steel had come in hours earlier wearing regular clothes and got changed once they arrived. It was more discreet, and Steel couldn’t exactly hide a blaster in the latest slinky little number that Buddy had chosen for him. She claimed she chose it  _ because _ a weapon was hard to conceal in it so Steel wouldn’t look suspicious in the garden later but Vespa thought she really just liked riling up the thief and watching him stammer. Vespa probably would have found it funny too if Steel’s boyfriend had been anyone else. 

Vespa waited until Steel was ready then swung the door open. There were four guards in the room, one by the door, one by the safe, and two patrolling. As soon as the door was open enough Vespa slipped through and grabbed the closest guard by the back of his neck. She slammed him to the ground, knocking him out instantly, and looked up to see that she had not in fact imagined three blaster shots. The rest of the guards were on the ground, stunned. 

“Huh, good job.” Vespa said without thinking. 

Steel grinned back at her, partly cocky but mostly just proud. Vespa opened her mouth to take it back or just push the closeness away, but then thought about Buddy and how she was apparently real  _ concerned _ about Steel’s self-esteem, and said nothing. The silence seemed to put him off too because he waited for a second and when nothing came his grin turned softer, shyer, and he mumbled a quick  _ thanks _ . Vespa did not smile. No way. 

The safe was at the far end of the room, against a wall and nestled beside a console with a monitor on it. The dumb thing wasn’t even hidden. The two of them hurried over to it and Vespa kneeled down, ready to open it up and stuff her pockets. Steel stood behind her, blaster still ready, and Vespa pulled out her comms. 

“Okay Bud, we’re ready,” she said. 

“That was quick, well done both of you. Alright, the code is long so listen closely.” 

Vespa squashed the thrill of pride that came every time Buddy praised her and focused on getting every key-press correct. After about thirty digits the safe chirped and opened just a crack. Vespa opened it the rest of the way and gasped. 

“What? Is it there?” Steel asked, craning his neck to get a look. 

“Yeah, it’s here, dumbass. There’s also cash and one of those stupid instruments Ransom plays but this one looks way better quality than his.” 

Vespa grabbed the jewels and stashed them in her pockets then got up to leave. Instead of falling in line like he should have, Steel crouched down to take a look himself. 

“We should take some of this,” he said. 

“I only have so much space in my pockets, moron. The jewels are better value.” Vespa snapped but Steel shook his head.

“We have bras, don’t we? We can fit some of it.” 

Vespa considered that for a second, then pulled at her tie to loosen it and undid a couple of buttons while Steel pulled out a few stacks of creds. He looked longingly at the instrument while they were stuffing their shirts.

“You can’t be serious. Even if you could find a way to take that with us, you really want him to have it?” Vespa growled. 

Steel made that stupid face he always did when he was getting soppy about Ransom which told her that he actually  _ did _ want to take it, but he ignored the sleek wood and went for another stack of cash instead. Disgusting. Vespa hated that she could relate. She knew how hard it was to leave behind something that Buddy would love, but at least none of Buddy’s hobbies made the rest of the crew’s ears bleed.

Finally, when they had pockets and bras full of loot, they crept back out of the room and headed up towards the garden where the main party was being held. Vespa took the stairs two at a time and reached the top quickly. The moonlight was brighter here in the garden with no roof to hide the glare. The cool light washed the whole garden in pale blue light, not enough to make things easy to see, but enough to make every jewel and sequin glitter so long as the wearer moved. The wearers were all moving, dancing with partners. Some were moving with grace and poise, some were slouched and comfortable - happy in their partner’s arms, none of them looked awkward or uncomfortable. Great, she was going to stick out like a sore thumb. 

Steel appeared at her side. Not an apparition, just a lady whose skills at stealth were improving. He looked at her in that way she couldn’t stand, like he was studying her and would find some flaw or failure. As if she wasn’t just a human-shaped collection of them. 

“We’ll be fine, just follow my lead and don’t look at the ground.” He said and Vespa growled under her breath. She hated the way he just examined her for a moment and then spoke like he knew what was wrong. She hated that these days he was almost always right. 

“Yeah and what happens when I trip on your skirt? We gotta be careful or we’ll blow the whole job, Steel.” Vespa grumbled. It was a stupid move; they’d been doing so well but now he’d rise to the jab and they’d fight and they’d get caught. But he didn’t. 

“I know the feeling, but you really will do better if you don’t watch your feet. Seriously, just keep an eye on Buddy and move where I put you, I’ll get us there. Then we can work on leaving.” 

His voice was soft, he was talking to her like he talked to the hacker half the time. Encouraging and gentle. He reminded her of Buddy like this, and god did Vespa resent that. Only Buddy could be Buddy, Steel couldn’t hope to live up to her standard. Didn’t matter if, with this sort of thing at least, his track record was pretty good lately. 

“I’m gonna touch you now unless you really need me not to. We can’t just stand here any longer or we’re gonna be noticed.” Steel whispered and Vespa nodded very slightly to show she’d heard. 

He reached out and pulled her closer to him, chest to chest, one hand on her waist and the other holding her right. Vespa instinctively looked down and Steel whispered  _ Buddy _ before she could get distracted looking at their toes. She whipped her head around to find Buddy and caught sight of her almost immediately. Vespa just had time to think that she was gorgeous in this washed out moonlight, her hair brighter than any jewel on any socialite here, then Steel pulled her out onto the floor. 

They swayed a little, then spun, then turned, then repeated it all. All the while Vespa worked on watching her lover without looking like she was doing it. She swept closer and closer to their goal, all the while barely noticing her own steps or Steel’s hands. Finally they reached them and Steel twisted away from her with some clever little step that deposited her right into Buddy’s arms. Home at last. 

Vespa distantly heard the thief say something to Steel in that annoying tone he used to flirt. Steel laughed in response and it settled some of Vespa’s nerves about the job. They were both where they were supposed to be, the job was on track, that was the only reason she cared about Steel laughing. Something must have shown on her face because Buddy laughed too and pulled her close to whisper in her ear. 

“You did beautifully, my love, and you looked so lovely dancing over to me.” Buddy murmured and Vespa tried to ignore the shivers that ran up her spine. Now was not the time for that. Soon, but not now. 

“Just doing my job,” Vespa whispered and Buddy laughed again. 

“Well you make an art of it, my love.” 

Vespa tried to pay attention during their escape but most of her role was played by rote. Outwardly she was focused on the job, inwardly she was focused on Buddy, on watching her as she pulled Vespa by the hand through the halls. Her midnight blue dress flowed like water behind her and her fiery hair bounced in the loose bun she had tugged it into, threatening to fall out of its pins and cascade down her shoulders and over their linked fingers. 

They made it outside before long and then it was into the car. Not the Ruby 7, Siquliak wasn’t available to drive them and there was no way he was going to let the thief drive the Ruby so they were in the backup car. It wasn’t too bad but it didn’t feel as safe as the Ruby.

Or maybe she just didn’t like it when the thief drove. He was a good driver, she could admit that, but he was too reckless and he always wanted to go faster and leave every turn and pause to the last second. Vespa especially didn’t like it when she was stuck in the back seat, as she was now. Buddy was at her side but she couldn’t lean in or take her hand while the thief could see them in the mirror. They stopped at the lights just barely in time to avoid rolling into the intersection and as a reflex Vespa kicked out to brace herself, which meant she caught the back of Steel’s seat. She expected him to snap at her but again he defied expectations. 

“Ransom, can you drive like a normal person for once?” Steel asked. 

Vespa was starting to pick up on their weird little dynamic where they would tease and flirt but somehow be entirely serious at the same time. Steel was asking seriously, but he kept it light hearted, avoided offense. He did it with the hacker too and it always set Vespa on edge. That proof that he was closer to them than the rest of the crew, the evidence that if the thief pulled something shady then Steel would be on his side. All little things that amounted to one big threat. But he was using it for Vespa’s benefit now. 

“I don’t see what’s wrong with my driving,” the thief sniffed, playing along. 

“Will you see what’s wrong with it when we get pulled over for a ticket and the cops ID us?” 

“Oh very well.” 

The thief sighed dramatically, but he did start driving more smoothly. Which pissed Vespa off more because he clearly knew  _ how _ to drive properly he just chose not to. Still, the rest of the trip was much closer to bearable and they finally made it back to the ship where they could start unloading all their valuables. 

Vespa was not going to forget the look on Buddy’s face when she and Steel started pulling cred after cred out of their bras for a long time. 

Later that night, Vespa found herself in the kitchen with a cup of tea and a near painful tension in her shoulders. She couldn’t wind down, the job had been too simple, went  _ too _ well, and she didn’t trust it. She was halfway through her cup when Steel walked in, bleary-eyed and stumbling. He poured a glass of water and then, because Vespa’s luck had to run out sometime, he sat at the table across from her. 

“You got something to say?” Vespa snapped after a long minute of silence. 

“What is your-” Steel started,  _ finally _ he was back to his normal quickfire anger, but then he stopped himself and took a breath. “No, I don’t have anything to say. It was just a long day and I can’t sleep.” 

Vespa studied him in the dim light. He looked tired; unlike his boyfriend, Steel actually took his makeup off at the end of the day and Vespa could see the weary lines of age in his face. He looked at her for a moment, then let his eye roll off her and down to the table. 

“Why were you being so calm today?” Vespa asked. 

She half expected Steel to deny it or blow it off. It was the thing that bugged her most about the job today, it had gone smoothly because Steel had refused to pick a fight, refused to let anyone rile him up, just got the job done. Even if he had talked his way through the whole thing. He didn’t deny it though, didn’t talk around calling her crazy, he just smiled a little into his glass. 

“I asked Buddy what I could do to make things easier when I worked with you,” he said. 

“What, so you can get a workaround for the nutjob?” Vespa snapped, filled with a sudden defensive rage. Steel raised his hands in a placating gesture, like she was a wild dog that needed calming. 

“No, it’s not about that. No one needs a workaround for that, you do it yourself. But we keep fighting and if we don’t cut it out then one of these days someone’s gonna get hurt. So... I asked what I could do to stop that from happening.” 

Vespa gripped her chair tight with one hand. Part of her, the part that didn’t trust anything that came out of Steel’s mouth and that just wanted to take Buddy and run away to somewhere safe, was furious. How dare he think she needed to be  _ managed _ , like he wasn’t just as much of a problem. But the more rational part… well the rational part knew that wasn’t true. He  _ managed _ himself. He didn’t make her change, he changed. 

“What-” Vespa began, then cut herself off with a growl. Steel just waited, his eye on her but not trying to make eye contact. Vespa calmed herself down and tried again. “What did she say?” 

“Well she had a whole lot to say about how if I don’t want fights I should stop picking them,” Steel said with an embarrassed little chuckle. “Which is fair enough. I’m so used to just snapping at everyone and letting them walk away from me I guess I didn’t really think about it much.” 

Steel got up and put his empty glass by the sink. His back was to her, but he didn’t look uncomfortable. He wasn’t wary or afraid. He wasn’t constantly looking for her knife like he used to. Vespa didn’t know how to feel about that. 

“The other thing she said was that you and I are pretty similar in that we both get mean without meaning to because there’s a whole extra part of the conversation going on upstairs that no one else sees. Said that we’re both drawing conclusions from a million clues internally but that can look pretty bad when we only say the last bit. Made sense to me. So I figured it doesn’t hurt to just let it lie and assume there’s probably more to it than what you say.” 

Vespa stared for a long moment and instead of getting freaked out or annoyed, Steel just looked back at her and waited for her to think. He was going against his own instincts, she realised, which was so foreign to her. Vespa Ilkay survived by being a creature of instinct. She’d thought that was something she and Steel had in common but maybe… well. She wasn’t ready to let go of instinct just yet, maybe she never would be. But if Steel was going to make things easier on them both by making that leap then Vespa wouldn’t complain. The job had gone well, and if they could keep that up then it could only mean good things. She hoped. 

“Thanks, Steel,” she said. Then she realised she had just done exactly as Buddy had said; thought it through and only said the last part. It was worth thinking about. 

“No problem, Ilkay,” Steel said with a tiny grin. 

Vespa shot him one back before she could think better of it. Blame it on instinct. 


End file.
